Those Lost Big Little Things...

I stood by the window, silently. Watching the sun slowly setting down the horizon bidding it goodbye after another day.
And I still kept waiting for YOU. You had promised you'd call. When was that, though?
Probably you were caught up with something. Probably your mom was sick again and you were worried and didn't want to worry me.



Or probably you just didn't feel like talking to me at all.
Separated by distance, we are together. Or, are we?
I know you love me. And I love you. Much more than I had imagined I'd ever love somebody!
But still, where is this going? We talk everyday. But When was the last time you called just to be romantic? Or talked to me like you really cared about me?
It appears to be a formality. Random pleasantries shared between two "just-good" friends and over.
But...now even that seems to have got lost! It's been ages since I heard  that voice of yours!
I know your priorities for now are career and family.
But can I at least get priority during that little time you give me?
Can I be acknowledged for being so understanding than any girl would have been for these situations you've put me in? Can I be reminded again and again for being important in your life? Can I be given the reasons once more for why you love me?

You'd probably ask me to get angry and give you punishment for your mistakes.
But...What good would it do? Just more fights? And then I'd feel guilty of "over reacting" and become sorry when you should have been so in the first place? Can't you instead just try more for me to not get angry?

Should I talk to you about it? But it will lead to another fight. More tears. It will only distract me and worry you. You'll start cursing yourself for not being "good enough" for me and I'll start giving even less importance to myself. We'll fight. We'll cry. We'll suggest to end. But then we'll sort it out. Only to start it all over again.

I lied in bed, checking my phone again in case you called.

Wait. I must not care if you called! No, I'm not gonna pick up your phone! I want you to know I'm hurt! I want you to pamper me for once!
No. I'm not gonna pick up your call in case you called. No Way.

I must have dozed off 'cause all thoughts swarmed me again and destroyed the peace of my sleep, when the phone buzzed.

It was YOU.
Do NOT pick up!
But he's calling!
But he should know you are upset!
But what if he's more upset with something?
You are an idiot!
An idiot in love.
Do whatever you like, you  fool!

"Hello?"  At least sound stiff!
"Hey! How are you?" Why so formal?
"Okay." Short and straight. Good.
"I'm sorry I couldn't call you earlier, had been keeping busy with stuff." I've heard that before.
"It's okay." But it's still not enough.
"Don't be mad. You know all the stuff I'm going through right now." Just say those words and I'll be fine.
"I'm fine." Minus those words.
"You don't sound so." So you wanna talk about it?
"Look, its just your behavior that upsets me so much. I understand about your busy schedule." I mean it.!
"It's just I haven't been in a proper state of mind. And I said I'm sorry!" Why can't you just say THOSE WORDS?!!
"What am I supposed to do?" Since you can't show it, just say it! That's all I want.
"I don't know. But I promise I'll make it up to you! Let this phase pass..." You can make it up to me in just 3 seconds, dammit!
"I don't want any gifts." I really don't.
"I know but I'll still make it up, I promise." But that can't be that huge.
"Alright." A little more wait won't cost me anything.
"Please do not fight."
"I'm not fighting." What the hell??
"So we good now?" That's all you do to make up my mood?
"Hmm." Not really.
"Get back to sleep. Yours was a long day." Still incomplete without you.
"Hmm. Good night." I wanna say those words to you, but I want you to say  first!
"Good night, I Love you." At last! But why can't I feel its meaning?
"Love you too." Can't you sense the hurt in that??

And I drifted back to sleep, unaware of that tear trickling down my cheek.


# Note from the "author": If you are thinking this is story from my life, then Oops! Sorry to disappoint you! This is completely fiction and I just wanted to try my pen in sad stuff!! :D :|

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